Friday, October 31, 2008

By Popular Request: Palin

kay, okay, okay. Just for you and just for Halloween. Here, by your request, are my favorite photoshopped Palin photos. Enjoy.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Hollywood's True Nightmare (Aging)

hat photoshop taketh away, it can also giveth. Today we'd like to bring our friends in Hollywood closer to God.

Every bit as much as cosmetic surgery, Photoshop® and digital technology have forever altered the meaning of the close-up and the celebrity photograph.

Even in the golden era of Hollywood, studios manipulated every publicity photo via meticulous styling, lighting, and retouching in the darkroom of artists like the photographer George Hurrell. Today's top pixel pushers are stars in their own right. The world's most sought-after professional photo retoucher, Pascal Dangin, was profiled in The New Yorker.

But, as the Good Book says:
....Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD.
Job 1:21

It just so happens that these self-same digital wizards, the ones who reimage our celebrity universe into something beautiful and good and unblemished, in the darkness of their tiny home offices they sometimes use their power for – evil.

Just for Halloween, we're going to peek into an alternative reality through the miracle of Adobe® Photoshop® CS4 software. About 500,000 photoshop artists like to electronically hang out together and misuse their free time to mess with us. Here are some of the results of their creative play - click on any image for a closer look.

In the hands of these dedicated digital jockeys, several prominent actors get to reprise roles made famous by other Hollywood colleagues, as above. Some of the artists, though, go for more realism with their celebrity heroes.

Others just want to have fun (or not) with the stars.

Then there are those Mike-the-Mechanic types that just want the world to know that these famous faces are just plain folks like you and me! It's enough to melt McCain's heart. Mega-stars from the Midwest include some of our favorites - who knew??

Just for fun we're going to have you name their heartland occupations:

Jennifer Aniston _______________ .

Sharon Stone _______________ .

Ashley Simpson _______________ .

Tara Reid _______________ .

Britney Spears _______________ .

But what truly terrorizes Tinseltown, the Nightmare on Hollywood Boulevard, the boogey man that stalks the stars.... is aging. Bwwwwaaaaaa-ha!

What will our leading lovelies look like as time moves on, but without plastic surgery? Here are some of the very best of the projections by the same masters of the mouse, using age progression techniques that are realistic.

Jessica Simpson's image shows the characteristic change in skin elasticity in the décolletage and upper arm triceps. Her breast tissue is less firm. The skin on her hands, forearms, shoulders and face display the pigment clumping that comes with over exposure to the sun. The facial wrinkling is exactly as nature intended. The vertical bands of the platysmal muscle in the neck become more prominent and the subcutaneous fat thins on the back of her hands.

Sheryl Crow's image shows early peri-menopausal aging: the loss of the epicanthal fold (the skin of the upper eyelid) that evolves as the brow drops; the deepening of "smile" wrinkles; and loss of hair pigment.

Jennifer Love Hewitt is going to make someone a very nice grandma. As the facial tissues head south to form crepey jowls it completely changes the shape of her face. This kind of skin relaxation usually comes from excessive sun exposure to thin skin. Note the widening part that comes from thinning hair.

Lindsay Lohan is going this way, if she cleans up her act. It's accurate for a post menopausal age except perhaps for the eyelids...

Don't let this innocent smile fool you into thinking Kirsten Dunst is just about warm hugs in her dotage. She's still got a lot going on.

Party girl Paris Hilton is sure to be wearing pink at a ripe old age and having lots of fun.

And Gwen Steffani? Party-hearty, that girl is never going to quit!

Sadly, the same probably can't be said for Nicole Kidman.

Want to try it yourself? Here's a tutorial.

Happy Halloween everyone!

New Feature FM107.1 on Demand - audio archive

Did you miss hearing Anne flesh it all out today with Kevyn Burger on-air? Use this link to find the FM107.1 audio archive of Knifestyles broadcasts by date (second hour). Step one: select the date shown on the blog posting; step two: click on Kevyn Burger; step three: click on second hour. Enjoy!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Freaky Faces (Bad Cosmetic Surgery)

n the mood for some fun-size candy? In Hollywood it's Halloween year-round. Let's go trick-or-treating with some of our favorite stars from the KnifeStyles' archives! (To find out more about how you can get any of these looks at home, just click on his/her/its name under Labels.)

Leading the party is birthday boy Michael Jackson. He celebrated his 50th this year with a new and improved wig. And bringing the party balloons and matching face is big sister LaToya (52).

How did they come up with this look?

I'll tell you how: they ripped it off! In 1952 Hasbro came out with Mr. Potato Head. The original package included plastic eyes, nose, mouth, ears along with a styrofoam head for kids to practice making wacky expressions. Featured in the first TV toy commercial ever, it earned $4 million in sales in just the first few months.

The competition in Hollywood has been fierce ever since.

The Scary Clown face took off with the Batman film series. Mickey Rourke (52) can't smile anymore without conjuring up images of a demonic Joker. Not to be outdone, Donatella Versace (55) is going as Mrs. Joker.

Then there are those older kids who go in for the classic fairy tale genre: the Big Bad Wolf my-teeth-will-eat-you-up. Both Faye Dunaway (67) and Gary Busey (64) have aggressive, man made choppers perfect for the part.

Also light and playful are Clown Lips, often paired with great big rubber breasts that go beep-beep. Just showing up as the first supermodel would so '80s. Or so Janice Dickinson (53) thinks.

On the more on the risqué side of the room is Man-as-Phallus, Sylvester Stallone (60). This look can be obtained by combining surgery with lots of injected testosterone and hGH. Not sure how much candy you'll get with this one....

Not to be outdone, Madonna's (52) new face shares a lot in common another x-rated marionette: Madame. Too tight, too thin, all cheeks and chin! Lil' Kim (31) tried the same same idea, but she's got a few years to go before she can really pull it off.

Victoria Principal (62) just wants to be thought of as hip and techno-savvy, so she's going as an emoticon, the Happy Face.

Imitation can be a source of flattery – or not. We could ask Rowan Atkinson if his Mr. Bean Brows are proprietary and whether Melanie Griffith (51) has paid.

Of course, the easy cop-out is just to put on a mask. Are you listening, Ms. Presley (63)? It's much more fun when you put some effort into it. Take, for instance, Julie Newmar (75): a deft hand with the make-up can really liven up your Death Mask.

Then there's the crowd that believes that trick-or-treating should be a creative expression of one's worth. Why trick out your ride when you can Pimp Your Face? Mike Tyson (42) is outspoken on the topic.

Or just forget about plastic surgery and Just Do Drugs for a really scary look.

Oh, those fun FM 107.1 listeners, one of whom submitted this photo to give Donatella a run for her wax lips. Who says 40 can't be fabulous?

New Feature FM107.1 on Demand - audio archive

Did you miss hearing Anne flesh it all out with Kevyn Burger on-air? Use this link to find the FM107.1 audio archive of Knifestyles broadcasts by date (second hour). Step one: select the date shown on the blog posting; step two: click on Kevyn Burger; step three: click on second hour. Enjoy!