Blinded By the White: Hollywood Teeth

Usually just one glimpse tells you those chiclet choppers aren't original equipment - but not always. Cosmetic dentistry has of the famous has evolved a long way since George Washington put his wooden teeth in a bedside glass each night. (Alright, they weren't wooden. When Washington was inaugurated as president in 1789, he had only one natural tooth left in his head. His dentures were made of a hippopotamus ivory base carved to fit his gums with ivory uppers and 'donated' human teeth in the lower plate, all fastened to it by gold screws. The whole thing was held in place in his mouth by spiral springs.)

Hollywood does a better job of preparing the stars for their big moment, but sometimes not by much. When something is out of proportion, the human eye picks up on it in a split-second and tells us so. Thousands of years ago, the Greeks set out to explain beauty as a mathematical relationship: the 'Golden Ratio' expressed as 1 to 1.618. This is not to say that you can't make it in Hollywood without your teeth. Just ask Walter Brennan!

Who has the most ridiculous fake teeth these days? Oh, the choices.

Gary Busey probably has the scariest: "[m]y teeth have been identified as a piano farm." Showing too many new and improved teeth can also be disconcerting in a big-bad-wolf way: the leering smiles of Dyan Canon and Sally Kellerman in Boynton Beach Bereavement Club (2005) or latter-day Loretta Swit all come to mind.

Of course, the British are famous for bad teeth. Tony Blair perhaps exemplifies that nation's trend to go with what you've got. And it certainly works in character parts and comedy. As Mike Myers knows, yeah baby! he can get a laugh just by opening Austin Power's lips.

But there are plenty of celebrity Brits who went in for extreme mouth makeovers with their first paycheck. David Bowie wasted no time. A long-time heavy smoker, his porcelain crowns and veneers are impervious to staining. Victoria Beckham, the poster child for healthy body image, reputedly forgoes smiling because she dislikes her teeth so much– despite having had work done.

It goes without saying that no one in Hollywood can brush their teeth without wearing sunglasses to prevent being Blinded by the White. America Ferrera had her smile insured for $10 Million through Lloyd's of London. Aquafresh White Trays is sponsoring the insurance and donating $1 for every box sold between now and August 31 to a program which provides dental care for women in need. Dental bleaching can also be done professionally in the dentist's chair using light- or laser-assisted procedures using higher-concentration peroxide gel or take-home teeth molds and application instructions.

Getting porcelain veneers is a more intensive procedure. A veneer is a thin shell of porcelain with a color, translucence, and texture that is similar to tooth enamel. It is bonded permanently to the tooth, usually the front ones, by resin cement after acid etching or filing of the damaged, discolored, or misshaped tooth. They're the up-to-date version of the crown, which goes over the whole tooth and preserves less of the original tooth.

One mistake people make is mismatching their tooth color with their skin tones, hair and age. "When somebody's teeth jump out and seem like a night light in a dark room, that's porcelain veneers or crowns," said one high-profile Beverly Hill's cosmetic dentist. "The Regis Philbin Chicklet look, that opaque white that looks ridiculous, you're not going to get that with bleaching."

Generally, veneers are used when a star's grin has spaces or crooked, chipped or small teeth. For example, Hilary Duff recently got porcelain veneers to go over at least six of her front teeth. As Duff explained, "[m]y teeth aren't the strongest, and I kept chipping them on the microphone."

The changed proportions of Hilary Duff's smile have been widely commented on. The veneers break that 'Golden Ratio' and the viewer's mind rejects the look as horsey. Another example is Jessica Simpson's fake front teeth: her ever-so-slight overbite brings on images of a rabbit once you've placed overly bright veneers over them.

Although not known for his on-camera grinning, Michael Douglas been smiling a lot after marrying again. He also has had a less-than-subtle procedure that harks back to the days of dentures look. (Catherine Zeta Jones had her own pearly whites done while performing in The Darling Buds Of May series in the early '90s.) Teeth tend to wear down due to osteoporosis of the upper/lower jaw as well as discolor with age. There is a loss in facial fat in the mouth region, a deflation of the lips as well. Look at any photograph from the turn of the century to see what tooth loss does for the over-40 mouth.

Male actors seem to have a thing for taking their teeth on and off for a part. Denzel Washington has porcelain veneers and he removed them for Malcom X (1992). Brad Pitt allegedly broke a tooth while opening a beer bottle with his teeth to get into character for Kalifornia (1993), reviewed as: "[h]alf-assed in its edginess but full-on trashy, this blood-drenched road movie features an over-the-top Brad Pitt in his Method actor phase..." And he supposedly voluntarily visited a dentist to have pieces of his front teeth chipped off for the role in Fight Club (1999); more likely a veneer was accidentally damaged during filming. Pitt's teeth were once again restored each time filming concluded. Jim Carrey's chipped tooth in Dumb & Dumber (1994) is real. He just had the cap removed for the duration of the filming.

And then there are the roles that don't call for snaggle teeth....Russell Crowe landed his first film part after being persuaded to replace a front tooth. According to Crowe:

"[u]ntil I was 25, I had one tooth missing. When George Ogilvie cast me, he asked me about it, and I told him the story and that I thought it was very false of me to go and get a tooth cap. He was very nice about it, listened to it all, and said, 'All right, well, let me put it this way, Russell. You're playing the lead character in my film, right? The character of Johnny has two front teeth....' "

Johnny Depp donned gold caps for his Captain Jack Sparrow role in Pirates of the Caribbean (2003) and then wore them back to France because he was in a rush to get home. Diamond gold grills are available for the modern gangsta look. Check it out. Rappers Lil Jon, Snoop Dogg, Slim Thug, David Banner, Paul Wall, and the Ying Yang Twins layout $10,000 or more for a jewelry box of a mouth. Nelly's smash hit Grillz is an an ode to oral ostentation: "I got my mouth lookin' something like a disco ball/ ... I got the diamonds and the ice all hand-set/ I might cause a cold front if I take a deep breath." A consumer adviser for the American Dental Association says non-stop wear traps bacteria under a grill, which can result in cavities, gum disease and even bone loss.

Who else has snap-on teeth? There actually is a product called Snap-On Smiles for those who don't have $20,000 for a reconstruction. Said the dentist-inventor:

"In the beginning, it made me sick. I thought I invented some serious medical device, but all people wanted to do was use it to make themselves look like celebrities!"

Many consumers request Sarah Jessica Parker's perfect smile, not realizing it hasn't always been so. According to one interview with the star, during a Broadway performance of Annie she knocked part of her tooth out with a scrubbing brush while singing Hard Knock Life.

When it comes to hard knocks, Eddie Van Halen went Britney and Lindsay one better when he went through rehab this spring. He got new teeth as well! (Can you pick out the before?)

Just remember, boys and girls, do what your mother says: floss and brush for 2 minutes after every food or drug.

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Which Breasts Are Best?

Let's go back to the question of breasts today– and get over it! This month's Jane magazine polled 600 adult women about their breasts: 74% of those surveyed said they were dissatisfied with the shape and size of their own breasts. Let's get this fixed.



























No, Jessica Simpson is not the real thing nor should any woman compare herself to silicone-enhanced breasts. It's like comparing apples and oranges. They're not the same fruit. But just to convince you, let's walk through how the all-seeing eye-of-Anne knows when those ta-tas are altered.

What gives away breast implants? Capsules, growth spurts, ripples, tunnel cleavage, adhesions, rimming, hardness, distortion, disproportion, immobility, scars, supernatural suspension. Shall we illustrate this?

Here's a candid picture of the original equipment from early in her career. Jessica Simpson's breast appear to be a small C-cup, her father's groping comments aside. She's 18 or so in this picture, about the time when breast growth is complete (pregnancy-related changes excluded). In the last eight years, however, Jessica Simpson has had some unusual growth spurts...and even more unusual circumscribed 'weight loss'...all in her breasts. They've been in, they've been out, they've been in again. Currently they appear to be out. Cue the music— "Thanks for the Many Mammaries." Does any of it make her look more or less beautiful? You decide.

In 1992 the FDA effectively took silicone breast implants off the cosmetic market and only recently re-approved them for elective augmentation surgery. Last November the FDA lifted its 14 year near-ban on silicone gel implants. None of this slowed down the current wild popularity of bigger bazooms through plastic surgery.

The viscosity of the filling material is what distinguishes the feel of the augmented breast, since all implants use silicone outer shells. Saline implants are round and filled with simple salt water. Most of what you see on inflated chests is in fact saline-filled and a poor substitute for real mammary tissue. These surgically implanted sacs can feel akin to a waterbed—especially during physical activity. Silicone implants, by contrast, are filled with a synthetic gel, a consistency not unlike a weak squeeze ball. Silicone gel also comes in a variety of shapes and conforms more closely with the natural tear-drop shape of real breasts. Saline implants have a round, balloon-ish quality and are much easier to spot with a quick glance.

A lot of women opt for subglandular placement (under the mammary tissue, over the pectoral muscle). The advantages? It can postpone a breast lift (mastopexy), by adding volume to counter mild sag (ptosis), but this is temporary. Keep in mind that the only thing supporting the implant is the elastic integrity of the skin and breast tissue.

Paula Abdul shows the perils of too much, too late. A subglandular placement requires less recovery time with less post-op discomfort, since the muscles are left intact. Actresses and strippers also prefer it for the enhanced projection. Conversely, a very large implant placed sub-muscular (without tissue expansion which is what post-mastectomy patients undergo) is agony. But it looks more natural.

Other disadvantages to a subglandular placement? Ripples and adhesions. As the implant drops, or settles into place, the surface of the shell can pull on the scar capsule, which in turn pulls on the skin. This produces traction rippling ala Beyonce.

A lot of surgeons operate through incisions you might not guess. The trendiest is transumbilical (TUBA), an approach through a naval incision. Transaxillary (armpit incision) is also popular. An incision hidden in the inframmamary fold (crease under the breast) or peri-areolar are the most common and can give truth to the lie. It also often impairs nipple sensation. Poor Tara Reid.

Placement of the breast implant over the pectoral muscle (subglandular) is very obvious in thin women with little natural breast tissue. The highly technical description is generally "bolt-on breasts." In Hollywood you really can be too rich and too thin. Just Victoria Beckham.

The most common cause of an unnatural appearance? Capsular contracture occurs when the scar tissue that naturally forms around the implant tightens and squeezes the implant into a hard, unnatural appearance. The previous older generation of silicone breast implants were particularly prone to this. No surgeon can completely control for the vagaries of healing and this has caused many stars, from Demi Moore to Courtney Love, to undergo multiple breast operations.

And most tellingly, when you squeeze on a breast– say with a tight bodice– the outline of any subglandular implant becomes more obvious, particularly in thinner, Hollywood-type women. The demarcation of the upper rim of the implant is a dead giveaway. It doesn't happen in nature.

Real, voluminous breasts look like Scarlett Johansson's "girls" in a fitted gown: pillowy with no tunnels in sight.


Hear Anne live on the Kevyn Burger show Thursdays featuring Knifestyles of the Rich & Famous.

Dish with Lori & Julia

Today we dish with Lori & Julia on FM107. And what do inquiring minds want to know? For starters there's the ta-tas poll published in this month's In Touch magazine: top breasts in Hollywood. The number 1, 2, and 3 positions are held by Scarlett Johansson (22), Salma Hayek (39), Jessica Simpson (26). The tag line is that "they aren't afraid to embrace what nature gave them." Oh, boys and girls, it's a sad, sad day when Anne has to let you down, but...not everything in Hollywood is real.

Yes, we're here to tell you that only one of the above lovelies is wrapping her arms around what nature gave her. The other two are clutching silicone. In an interview, Scarlett Johansson talks about stripping nude for roles: “I’m proud of my breasts. I call them my girls. They’re my charms, my feminine wiles. I’m very comfortable with my sexuality, my body and my face…” In this picture you can see 'the girls' as no surgeon would have ever left them: soft, low, and asymmetric. And, as anyone who's viewed the opening frames of Lost In Translation knows, what you see coming you also get going: body fat is rarely distributed in isolation.

Our other two top polling place winners are sporting the handiwork of a surgeon. Do we really have to tell you that Jessica Simpson has implants? They're as fake as her front teeth.

Actress Salma Hayek sports a look not found in nature: Barbie® is a fiction. How can we be so sure? Just check out the photos from before and after and you decide. Outside of pregnancy, no woman grows breasts in adulthood. Both women appear to have had multiple sets placed.

Says Hayek: "I find it very boring to have to be skinny all the time. It bores me and makes me bitchy. And yet in Hollywood it’s okay if you’re a bitch - as long as you’re skinny!"
Oddly enough, these stripper-size implants make petite women look heavier, unless their clothes are skin-tight or nearly off.

And then there is the question of noses. Jessica Simpson is rumored to have undergone a competitive sibling rhinoplasty (see the post about her sister). Salma Hayek certainly underwent a very skillful tip rhinoplasty well before her breasts.

And what other nose has caught the eagle eyes of Lori & Julia? Michelle Pfeiffer turns 49 this month:

“When I’m rested, I look pretty darn OK. I can hold off on that facelift for another few years....(But) when I’m feeling weary, then I think, maybe I better make that appointment.”

Pfeiffer's nose is narrow and pinched, very 'tippy,' and the nostrils are notched. It's also gotten even thinner with age. All of this is unfortunately common, post-rhinoplasty, in patients with aggressive surgeons– and constitutes an 'over-operated look' (albeit in a very beautiful face). Her nose has looked like that her entire film career; check out stills from 1982 Grease 2. It could be a rare case of nature imitating art. Probably the only way to know for sure about whether her nose has undergone the knife is to locate a high-resolution picture from her high school days.

Courtney Love's (42) nose has certainly been all over the place. In December of 2006 she traveled to France for reconstructive surgery. Very few surgeons are skilled enough to resurrect a nose after it's been previously operated: it's a sub-subspecialty. Why is it difficult? Not only is her tip cartilage over-resected, her nose is very crooked. Revision of a twisted nose is probably the most technically challenging rhinoplasty. The surgeon must correct the septal deviation as well as straighten the 'nasal pyramid,' the bony framework supporting the tissue. And don't forget, you want to breathe through it. Sometimes the nose can be made completely straight; usually some tissue memory persists, reappearing six months to a year post-repair. That's why in the past Courtney Love's nose has sometimes looked relatively good (left) and then not-so-good. To date, her nose has been operated on four times.

The French surgeon also removed the hideous implant material from her lips (probably some form of Gortex). The post-surgical swelling she displayed (far left) at Hilary Swank’s Freedom Writers movie premiere in January 2007 was normal. Once it subsided enough for the result to be evident, she went in March for yet a third revision, probably a dorsal onlay and/or tip graft (near left) along with injected lip filler. She also announced that she had her breast implants removed. And no, she hasn't had a gastric band placed. It's just good old-fashioned weight loss and left-over lumpy liposuction.

And now you know.


Hear Anne live on the Kevyn Burger show 11:00 to noon every Thursday featuring Knifestyles of the Rich & Famous.

Early Intervention (Authentically Aging)

Today's topic deals with those first steps– no, not the toddler ones, the surgical ones. Is it ever too soon, too early? Or, the earlier, the better? Read on...

The statistics vary, but the percentage of 20-something patients seeking out anti-aging therapies is on the up-tick. And it's not just lotions & potions that they are after. It's also the non-surgical procedures like laser treatments and dermal fillers and botox.

Premature aging is really the venue of pack-a-day smokers and girls who own tanning goggles, yet full-blown age-orexics are popping up everywhere. Hollywood has it's share– just read the tabloids to see what Lindsay Lohan, Jessica Simpson, Nicole Richie, Britney Spears, etc. are having done– but the antiaging obsession is affecting younger and younger women all across the country.

A young woman may pursue a series of light glycolic peels and microdermabrasion over several months to encourage skin cell turnover; Intense Pulsed Light therapy (IPL) laser treatments to eliminate broken blood vessels and sun spots; lipodissolve for cellulite; a little bit of Botox to forestall furrow lines between the brows or crowsfeet; and finally, Restylane or Juvederm to soften any smile creases should she be so reckless as to grin a lot (see above). And of course religious application of a topical retinol (vitamin A) preparation at night and sunblock, moisturizer and topical vitamin C everyday.

(You could also institutionalize yourself transfixed, motionless, and out of the sun ala Oliver Sacks's patients in Awakenings. All of the above will keep the face looking younger, longer.)

These would-be patients are completely preoccupied with the quest for sexy, ageless skin. Physiologically they don't want to leave their 20s. Middle-age has become no-woman's-land. Where does this antiaging fanaticism originate?

In the last decade cosmetic procedures have moved out of the exclusive domain of the surgeon's office into day spas, salons, you name it. It's now ubiquitous amongst the beauty industry. More and more surgeons have responded to the competition with...well, injections, laser, etc. for those who request it– whether or not it's medically indicated.

It's been described by one provider as akin to giving a kid who's underaged a sip of beer: "Okay, take a little taste of this. Better you try it here than at some party." No one involved in this is going to put the kibosh on it.

And today's young woman is raised in a media-driven culture. There was a time when Vogue's top fashion models were actual society beauties well into their 30s and beyond, who could afford the dresses they were wearing. Now haute couture is sold on the backs of emaciated 16-year-old giants. Hollywood has only character parts for the 'aging actress' while the surgically rejuvenated ones try desperately to fit into roles written for cellulite-free 25-year-olds. Television shows most of all exemplify the media's ever increasing tendency to marginalize the middle-aged female.

When people think of facelifts, images of aging Hollywood stars with their faces pulled as tight as their red carpet gowns might come to mind. But some of these 'ageless beauties' hung on with the help of subtle early intervention; threadlifts were said to have long ago helped the facial contours of Catherine Deneuve (63) (she's since had a lot more). And Nicollette Sheridan (43) clearly had work done when she turned 40. Sharon Stone (49) had her first facelift in her mid-30s immediately after wrapping Basic Instinct.

What constitutes subtle? Endoscopic browlifts have replaced the old-fashioned hairline deforming coronal forehead lift (Elizabeth Taylor) and nearly scarless lifts allow plausible deniability. Top-flight aesthetic surgeons have refined the techniques used for early surgery to a fine art. The best are now able to combine several minimally invasive procedures to give a final result which surpasses that of traditional facelift surgery IF the patient starts early– in her late-30s to mid-40s and her skin is in great shape.

Key here is the integrity of younger, intact skin. Pampered epidermis is elastic and resilent before hormone shifts kick during a woman's 40s. So these 20-somethings do have some validity to their concerns: rejuvenation really is all about the skin.

Can you age-proof the body? Not really. You can turn back the clock, like daylight savings time, but the clock is always running. It is a youthful conceit to believe that medicine has conjured up a surgical Dorian Gray.

So what's a girl to do? The most effective anti-aging interventions are well within the pocket book of every 20-something. Wear sunscreen liberally, year round. Indulge your inner movie star with polarized sunglasses when you venture out. Exfoliate daily and avoid smoke like the deadly wrinkle-producer it is. Save some of your money for another decade or two when gravity really kicks in.


Hear Anne live on the Kevyn Burger show Thursdays featuring Knifestyles of the Rich & Famous.