Thursday, October 2, 2008

Frightful Facelifts

nd now as promised, an early Halloween special! Let's start with the frankly frightful – results that make children cry and dogs bark.

Jocelyn Wildenstein (62) is pretty scary with shocking surgically-enhanced features (reportedly inspired by a love of exotic wild cats). The ex-wife of a billionaire art dealer, she has undergone about seven surgical sessions including not only a facelift, but drastic eye reconstruction surgery and custom SUV-sized implants to her lips, cheeks, chin, and brow as well. Here she is in her latest incarnation.

Who else might we see trick-or-treating?

You can count on Joan Rivers (75) to show up. Her face has been around the block several times. Her last facelift is perhaps the most deforming; check out her Loose Women appearance on YouTube. The cheek and lip implants have left her face stiff and her speech a bit slurred.

She's got company. Several aging stars have opted for the Madame puppet look: too tight, too thin, all cheeks and chin.

Dolly Parton (62) sleeps in her makeup when staying metropolitan high-rise hotels – just in case of emergency evacuation. Her wig is at the ready on the lamp shade.

Faye Dunaway (67), once among the most beautiful in Hollywood, also has an affinity with Madame after a recent touch-up to her cheeks.

There are those celebrity women whose decorative efforts merely accentuate the horrific. Jackie Stallone (71) needn't say "boo!" Her makeup does it for her.

Thinking about a Halloween video? Forget Nightmare on Elm Street. Rent The Boynton Beach Club and be ready to swear off geriatric sex after viewing Loretta Swit (70) and Dyan Cannon (71) animate their masks.

But women don't have the worst of it. Off-camera, tell-tale facelift results can't be camouflaged as readily with hair and makeup if you're a guy.

But men – they're just so uninhibited!

Pre-auricular incisions like Michael Douglas's (63) are placed in front of the tragus to avoid repositioning beard inside and behind the ears.

It's very tricky to preserve the characteristically male pre-auricular bare skin and sideburn; obliterate both and you get David Gest's (55) look. He's shaving right into his ears! His tragus is pulled foward by placing the incision behind it and the scar resurfaces in what's left of his sideburn.

But my favorite male mask belongs to Burt Reynolds (72). Even his toupee can't hide his pixied earlobes and the pulled, unnatural vectors.

Another popular male choice is to dress up as an alien. How else do you explain Mickey Rourke's (56) chosen look? Or his fellow extraterrestrial, Scott Thompson (43), aka Carrot Top?

The Brits love Tarts and Vicars fancy dress parties and changing sex is a popular theme on this side of the pond as well! I think we'll be sticking with just the costume part of it for our own Halloween this year....

New Feature FM107.1 on Demand - audio archive

Did you miss hearing Anne flesh it all out with Kevyn Burger on-air? Use this link to find the FM107.1 audio archive of Knifestyles broadcasts by date (second hour). Step one: select the date shown on the blog posting; step two: click on Kevyn Burger; step three: click on second hour. Enjoy!


j said...

Cheek implants seem lke they'll age very poorly, but I guess we will see!

Anonymous said...

Depends on which "cheeks" one is referring to I suppose.
Pale Lynn

j said...