Freaky Faces (Bad Cosmetic Surgery)

In the mood for some fun-size candy? In Hollywood it's Halloween year-round. Let's go trick-or-treating with some of our favorite stars from the KnifeStyles' archives! (To find out more about how you can get any of these looks at home, just click on his/her/its name under Labels.)

Leading the party is birthday boy Michael Jackson. He celebrated his 50th this year with a new and improved wig. And bringing the party balloons and matching face is big sister LaToya (52).

How did they come up with this look?

I'll tell you how: they ripped it off! In 1952 Hasbro came out with Mr. Potato Head. The original package included plastic eyes, nose, mouth, ears along with a styrofoam head for kids to practice making wacky expressions. Featured in the first TV toy commercial ever, it earned $4 million in sales in just the first few months.

The competition in Hollywood has been fierce ever since.

The Scary Clown face took off with the Batman film series. Mickey Rourke (52) can't smile anymore without conjuring up images of a demonic Joker. Not to be outdone, Donatella Versace (55) is going as Mrs. Joker.

Then there are those older kids who go in for the classic fairy tale genre: the Big Bad Wolf my-teeth-will-eat-you-up. Both Faye Dunaway (67) and Gary Busey (64) have aggressive, man made choppers perfect for the part.

Also light and playful are Clown Lips, often paired with great big rubber breasts that go beep-beep. Just showing up as the first supermodel would so '80s. Or so Janice Dickinson (53) thinks.

On the more on the risqué side of the room is Man-as-Phallus, Sylvester Stallone (60). This look can be obtained by combining surgery with lots of injected testosterone and hGH. Not sure how much candy you'll get with this one....

Not to be outdone, Madonna's (52) new face shares a lot in common another x-rated marionette: Madame. Too tight, too thin, all cheeks and chin! Lil' Kim (31) tried the same same idea, but she's got a few years to go before she can really pull it off.

Victoria Principal (62) just wants to be thought of as hip and techno-savvy, so she's going as an emoticon, the Happy Face.

Imitation can be a source of flattery – or not. We could ask Rowan Atkinson if his Mr. Bean Brows are proprietary and whether Melanie Griffith (51) has paid.

Of course, the easy cop-out is just to put on a mask. Are you listening, Ms. Presley (63)? It's much more fun when you put some effort into it. Take, for instance, Julie Newmar (75): a deft hand with the make-up can really liven up your Death Mask.

Then there's the crowd that believes that trick-or-treating should be a creative expression of one's worth. Why trick out your ride when you can Pimp Your Face? Mike Tyson (42) is outspoken on the topic.


Or just forget about plastic surgery and Just Do Drugs for a really scary look.




PS:
Oh, those fun FM 107.1 listeners, one of whom submitted this photo to give Donatella a run for her wax lips. Who says 40 can't be fabulous?



New Feature FM107.1 on Demand - audio archive
http://www.fm1071.com/ondemand/

Did you miss hearing Anne flesh it all out with Kevyn Burger on-air? Use this link to find the FM107.1 audio archive of Knifestyles broadcasts by date (second hour). Step one: select the date shown on the blog posting; step two: click on Kevyn Burger; step three: click on second hour. Enjoy!

Frightful Facelifts

And now as promised, an early Halloween special! Let's start with the frankly frightful – results that make children cry and dogs bark.

Jocelyn Wildenstein (62) is pretty scary with shocking surgically-enhanced features (reportedly inspired by a love of exotic wild cats). The ex-wife of a billionaire art dealer, she has undergone about seven surgical sessions including not only a facelift, but drastic eye reconstruction surgery and custom SUV-sized implants to her lips, cheeks, chin, and brow as well. Here she is in her latest incarnation.

Who else might we see trick-or-treating?

You can count on Joan Rivers (75) to show up. Her face has been around the block several times. Her last facelift is perhaps the most deforming; check out her Loose Women appearance on YouTube. The cheek and lip implants have left her face stiff and her speech a bit slurred.

She's got company. Several aging stars have opted for the Madame puppet look: too tight, too thin, all cheeks and chin.

Dolly Parton (62) sleeps in her makeup when staying metropolitan high-rise hotels – just in case of emergency evacuation. Her wig is at the ready on the lamp shade.

Faye Dunaway (67), once among the most beautiful in Hollywood, also has an affinity with Madame after a recent touch-up to her cheeks.

There are those celebrity women whose decorative efforts merely accentuate the horrific. Jackie Stallone (71) needn't say "boo!" Her makeup does it for her.

Thinking about a Halloween video? Forget Nightmare on Elm Street. Rent The Boynton Beach Club and be ready to swear off geriatric sex after viewing Loretta Swit (70) and Dyan Cannon (71) animate their masks.

But women don't have the worst of it. Off-camera, tell-tale facelift results can't be camouflaged as readily with hair and makeup if you're a guy.

But men – they're just so uninhibited!

Pre-auricular incisions like Michael Douglas's (63) are placed in front of the tragus to avoid repositioning beard inside and behind the ears.

It's very tricky to preserve the characteristically male pre-auricular bare skin and sideburn; obliterate both and you get David Gest's (55) look. He's shaving right into his ears! His tragus is pulled foward by placing the incision behind it and the scar resurfaces in what's left of his sideburn.

But my favorite male mask belongs to Burt Reynolds (72). Even his toupee can't hide his pixied earlobes and the pulled, unnatural vectors.

Another popular male choice is to dress up as an alien. How else do you explain Mickey Rourke's (56) chosen look? Or his fellow extraterrestrial, Scott Thompson (43), aka Carrot Top?

The Brits love Tarts and Vicars fancy dress parties and changing sex is a popular theme on this side of the pond as well! I think we'll be sticking with just the costume part of it for our own Halloween this year....




New Feature FM107.1 on Demand - audio archive
http://www.fm1071.com/ondemand/

Did you miss hearing Anne flesh it all out with Kevyn Burger on-air? Use this link to find the FM107.1 audio archive of Knifestyles broadcasts by date (second hour). Step one: select the date shown on the blog posting; step two: click on Kevyn Burger; step three: click on second hour. Enjoy!

HDTV & Adult Acne

All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up.

We all know what happened to Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard and we of the 21st century are definitely not ready for our HDTV close-up. Broadcasting in the hot new digital technology makes TV faces look as crisp and sharp as...the real thing and we viewers aren't used to seeing the real thing in Hollywood. Just as talkies and technicolor redefined Hollywood stardom in the past, so too will high-definition, where every feature is in IMAX and in your face.

High definition televisions can display two million pixels, nearly 10 times the resolution of a regular, old-style TV set, on a screen the size of your dining room table. If an actor is aging or if they've got any skin damage, it just pops out at you. Additionally, more colors are used in HDTV, including some new shades of red: all the blotches, zits and tiny nose-veins can be presented with the brutal clarity of a dermatology textbook!

High-def is, in essence, a medium peculiarly unsuited to dissembling.

Who do you think is scary in high-def? Various lists name Teri Hatcher (42) and Rosie O'Donnell (45), underscoring that too little fat in the face looks skeletal and too much can't camouflage coarse skin. And broadcast news may suffer ala Tim Burton's Batman: Meredith Vieira (54) of the Today Show looks her age without botox and airbrushing. On HD-tv older definitely looks older. And it's guaranteed you'll never feel the same about It's Only Rock 'n' Roll after seeing Mick Jagger and Keith Richards on high-def. Both 63-year-old men are walking morality tales for the ravages of drugs, age, and rock 'n' roll.

High-def is particularly unforgiving of bad facial plastic surgery, young or old. It would have long ago spelled the end of tv roles for Michael Douglas (63), Burt Reynolds (71), Cher (60), Joan Rivers (73), Mary Tyler Moore (70), Faye Dunaway (66) and the like.

You can just as easily get slammed in HDTV for having imperfect skin. Many accomplished screen actors have relied on heavy makeup to blend into their parts and erase a legacy of acne, yet makeup artists are ham-strung with this new technology. Bill Murray (56), Tommy Lee Jones (60), Lawrence Fishburne (45), and Cameron Diaz (34) will never again pass for scar-free on television.

It's not enough to be merely young (though it helps). Britney Spears, everyone's favorite pop tart, looks 10 years older on HDTV, her face puffy and blemished with pucker wrinkles marking her two-pack-a-day cigarette habit. To truly look great in this new technology you need smooth skin and a healthy complexion.

Acne is a condition of the sebaceous glands, the glands attached to hair follicles which produce an oily substance called sebum. A lesion forms the hair follicle becomes plugged with sebum and dead cells.

Twenty-five percent of all adult men and 50% of adult women experience acne at some point. That's 1 in 5 women between ages 25 & 40. Male acne normally starts at age 12, gets worse at 16, and is outgrown by one's early 20s. Girls often breakout earlier but not so violently and continue to have flare-ups longer (witness Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, and Jessica Simpson all of whom endorse an overpriced OTC acne treatment line).

In adult acne, hormones, stress, and bad habits all contribute. Less commonly, chafing pressure (sports equipment) and some medications (anabolic steroids, anti-epileptic or anti-tuberculosis drugs, lithium and iodine-containing Rxs) can be the reason.

The pathogenic (disease-causing) events in the sebaceous glands are believed to be due in large part to changes in levels of androgenic (male) hormones in the body. This is why pregnant women often experience acne on their chest and back. It also explains the mid-40s onset when a woman's female hormonal levels drop, leaving endogenous androgens unopposed.

When under stress, the adrenal glands (which are located above the kidneys) overproduce cortisol as well as androgens in both men and women. These hormones in turn stimulate the sebaceous glands to secrete more sebum, which ultimately results in the formation of zits and yet more stress! It's also been established that psychological stress can decrease the wound healing capacity of immune systems by up to 40%. This factor doubles the impact of stress on acne.

And last, but not least, are the things we do to ourselves. Picking, rubbing, and scrubbing all aggravate acne-prone skin. The biggest science breakthrough in acne care has been the development vitamin A treatments, both topical formulations and oral (Accutane). Some of the best OTC products were developed by the scientist behind Retin-A, Dr. James Fulton and are readily available on the internet.