Frightful Facelifts

And now as promised, an early Halloween special! Let's start with the frankly frightful – results that make children cry and dogs bark.

Jocelyn Wildenstein (62) is pretty scary with shocking surgically-enhanced features (reportedly inspired by a love of exotic wild cats). The ex-wife of a billionaire art dealer, she has undergone about seven surgical sessions including not only a facelift, but drastic eye reconstruction surgery and custom SUV-sized implants to her lips, cheeks, chin, and brow as well. Here she is in her latest incarnation.

Who else might we see trick-or-treating?

You can count on Joan Rivers (75) to show up. Her face has been around the block several times. Her last facelift is perhaps the most deforming; check out her Loose Women appearance on YouTube. The cheek and lip implants have left her face stiff and her speech a bit slurred.

She's got company. Several aging stars have opted for the Madame puppet look: too tight, too thin, all cheeks and chin.

Dolly Parton (62) sleeps in her makeup when staying metropolitan high-rise hotels – just in case of emergency evacuation. Her wig is at the ready on the lamp shade.

Faye Dunaway (67), once among the most beautiful in Hollywood, also has an affinity with Madame after a recent touch-up to her cheeks.

There are those celebrity women whose decorative efforts merely accentuate the horrific. Jackie Stallone (71) needn't say "boo!" Her makeup does it for her.

Thinking about a Halloween video? Forget Nightmare on Elm Street. Rent The Boynton Beach Club and be ready to swear off geriatric sex after viewing Loretta Swit (70) and Dyan Cannon (71) animate their masks.

But women don't have the worst of it. Off-camera, tell-tale facelift results can't be camouflaged as readily with hair and makeup if you're a guy.

But men – they're just so uninhibited!

Pre-auricular incisions like Michael Douglas's (63) are placed in front of the tragus to avoid repositioning beard inside and behind the ears.

It's very tricky to preserve the characteristically male pre-auricular bare skin and sideburn; obliterate both and you get David Gest's (55) look. He's shaving right into his ears! His tragus is pulled foward by placing the incision behind it and the scar resurfaces in what's left of his sideburn.

But my favorite male mask belongs to Burt Reynolds (72). Even his toupee can't hide his pixied earlobes and the pulled, unnatural vectors.

Another popular male choice is to dress up as an alien. How else do you explain Mickey Rourke's (56) chosen look? Or his fellow extraterrestrial, Scott Thompson (43), aka Carrot Top?

The Brits love Tarts and Vicars fancy dress parties and changing sex is a popular theme on this side of the pond as well! I think we'll be sticking with just the costume part of it for our own Halloween this year....




New Feature FM107.1 on Demand - audio archive
http://www.fm1071.com/ondemand/

Did you miss hearing Anne flesh it all out with Kevyn Burger on-air? Use this link to find the FM107.1 audio archive of Knifestyles broadcasts by date (second hour). Step one: select the date shown on the blog posting; step two: click on Kevyn Burger; step three: click on second hour. Enjoy!

Blinded By the White: Hollywood Teeth

Usually just one glimpse tells you those chiclet choppers aren't original equipment - but not always. Cosmetic dentistry has of the famous has evolved a long way since George Washington put his wooden teeth in a bedside glass each night. (Alright, they weren't wooden. When Washington was inaugurated as president in 1789, he had only one natural tooth left in his head. His dentures were made of a hippopotamus ivory base carved to fit his gums with ivory uppers and 'donated' human teeth in the lower plate, all fastened to it by gold screws. The whole thing was held in place in his mouth by spiral springs.)

Hollywood does a better job of preparing the stars for their big moment, but sometimes not by much. When something is out of proportion, the human eye picks up on it in a split-second and tells us so. Thousands of years ago, the Greeks set out to explain beauty as a mathematical relationship: the 'Golden Ratio' expressed as 1 to 1.618. This is not to say that you can't make it in Hollywood without your teeth. Just ask Walter Brennan!

Who has the most ridiculous fake teeth these days? Oh, the choices.

Gary Busey probably has the scariest: "[m]y teeth have been identified as a piano farm." Showing too many new and improved teeth can also be disconcerting in a big-bad-wolf way: the leering smiles of Dyan Canon and Sally Kellerman in Boynton Beach Bereavement Club (2005) or latter-day Loretta Swit all come to mind.

Of course, the British are famous for bad teeth. Tony Blair perhaps exemplifies that nation's trend to go with what you've got. And it certainly works in character parts and comedy. As Mike Myers knows, yeah baby! he can get a laugh just by opening Austin Power's lips.

But there are plenty of celebrity Brits who went in for extreme mouth makeovers with their first paycheck. David Bowie wasted no time. A long-time heavy smoker, his porcelain crowns and veneers are impervious to staining. Victoria Beckham, the poster child for healthy body image, reputedly forgoes smiling because she dislikes her teeth so much– despite having had work done.

It goes without saying that no one in Hollywood can brush their teeth without wearing sunglasses to prevent being Blinded by the White. America Ferrera had her smile insured for $10 Million through Lloyd's of London. Aquafresh White Trays is sponsoring the insurance and donating $1 for every box sold between now and August 31 to a program which provides dental care for women in need. Dental bleaching can also be done professionally in the dentist's chair using light- or laser-assisted procedures using higher-concentration peroxide gel or take-home teeth molds and application instructions.

Getting porcelain veneers is a more intensive procedure. A veneer is a thin shell of porcelain with a color, translucence, and texture that is similar to tooth enamel. It is bonded permanently to the tooth, usually the front ones, by resin cement after acid etching or filing of the damaged, discolored, or misshaped tooth. They're the up-to-date version of the crown, which goes over the whole tooth and preserves less of the original tooth.

One mistake people make is mismatching their tooth color with their skin tones, hair and age. "When somebody's teeth jump out and seem like a night light in a dark room, that's porcelain veneers or crowns," said one high-profile Beverly Hill's cosmetic dentist. "The Regis Philbin Chicklet look, that opaque white that looks ridiculous, you're not going to get that with bleaching."

Generally, veneers are used when a star's grin has spaces or crooked, chipped or small teeth. For example, Hilary Duff recently got porcelain veneers to go over at least six of her front teeth. As Duff explained, "[m]y teeth aren't the strongest, and I kept chipping them on the microphone."

The changed proportions of Hilary Duff's smile have been widely commented on. The veneers break that 'Golden Ratio' and the viewer's mind rejects the look as horsey. Another example is Jessica Simpson's fake front teeth: her ever-so-slight overbite brings on images of a rabbit once you've placed overly bright veneers over them.

Although not known for his on-camera grinning, Michael Douglas been smiling a lot after marrying again. He also has had a less-than-subtle procedure that harks back to the days of dentures look. (Catherine Zeta Jones had her own pearly whites done while performing in The Darling Buds Of May series in the early '90s.) Teeth tend to wear down due to osteoporosis of the upper/lower jaw as well as discolor with age. There is a loss in facial fat in the mouth region, a deflation of the lips as well. Look at any photograph from the turn of the century to see what tooth loss does for the over-40 mouth.

Male actors seem to have a thing for taking their teeth on and off for a part. Denzel Washington has porcelain veneers and he removed them for Malcom X (1992). Brad Pitt allegedly broke a tooth while opening a beer bottle with his teeth to get into character for Kalifornia (1993), reviewed as: "[h]alf-assed in its edginess but full-on trashy, this blood-drenched road movie features an over-the-top Brad Pitt in his Method actor phase..." And he supposedly voluntarily visited a dentist to have pieces of his front teeth chipped off for the role in Fight Club (1999); more likely a veneer was accidentally damaged during filming. Pitt's teeth were once again restored each time filming concluded. Jim Carrey's chipped tooth in Dumb & Dumber (1994) is real. He just had the cap removed for the duration of the filming.

And then there are the roles that don't call for snaggle teeth....Russell Crowe landed his first film part after being persuaded to replace a front tooth. According to Crowe:

"[u]ntil I was 25, I had one tooth missing. When George Ogilvie cast me, he asked me about it, and I told him the story and that I thought it was very false of me to go and get a tooth cap. He was very nice about it, listened to it all, and said, 'All right, well, let me put it this way, Russell. You're playing the lead character in my film, right? The character of Johnny has two front teeth....' "

Johnny Depp donned gold caps for his Captain Jack Sparrow role in Pirates of the Caribbean (2003) and then wore them back to France because he was in a rush to get home. Diamond gold grills are available for the modern gangsta look. Check it out. Rappers Lil Jon, Snoop Dogg, Slim Thug, David Banner, Paul Wall, and the Ying Yang Twins layout $10,000 or more for a jewelry box of a mouth. Nelly's smash hit Grillz is an an ode to oral ostentation: "I got my mouth lookin' something like a disco ball/ ... I got the diamonds and the ice all hand-set/ I might cause a cold front if I take a deep breath." A consumer adviser for the American Dental Association says non-stop wear traps bacteria under a grill, which can result in cavities, gum disease and even bone loss.

Who else has snap-on teeth? There actually is a product called Snap-On Smiles for those who don't have $20,000 for a reconstruction. Said the dentist-inventor:

"In the beginning, it made me sick. I thought I invented some serious medical device, but all people wanted to do was use it to make themselves look like celebrities!"

Many consumers request Sarah Jessica Parker's perfect smile, not realizing it hasn't always been so. According to one interview with the star, during a Broadway performance of Annie she knocked part of her tooth out with a scrubbing brush while singing Hard Knock Life.

When it comes to hard knocks, Eddie Van Halen went Britney and Lindsay one better when he went through rehab this spring. He got new teeth as well! (Can you pick out the before?)

Just remember, boys and girls, do what your mother says: floss and brush for 2 minutes after every food or drug.

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HDTV & Adult Acne

All right, Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up.

We all know what happened to Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard and we of the 21st century are definitely not ready for our HDTV close-up. Broadcasting in the hot new digital technology makes TV faces look as crisp and sharp as...the real thing and we viewers aren't used to seeing the real thing in Hollywood. Just as talkies and technicolor redefined Hollywood stardom in the past, so too will high-definition, where every feature is in IMAX and in your face.

High definition televisions can display two million pixels, nearly 10 times the resolution of a regular, old-style TV set, on a screen the size of your dining room table. If an actor is aging or if they've got any skin damage, it just pops out at you. Additionally, more colors are used in HDTV, including some new shades of red: all the blotches, zits and tiny nose-veins can be presented with the brutal clarity of a dermatology textbook!

High-def is, in essence, a medium peculiarly unsuited to dissembling.

Who do you think is scary in high-def? Various lists name Teri Hatcher (42) and Rosie O'Donnell (45), underscoring that too little fat in the face looks skeletal and too much can't camouflage coarse skin. And broadcast news may suffer ala Tim Burton's Batman: Meredith Vieira (54) of the Today Show looks her age without botox and airbrushing. On HD-tv older definitely looks older. And it's guaranteed you'll never feel the same about It's Only Rock 'n' Roll after seeing Mick Jagger and Keith Richards on high-def. Both 63-year-old men are walking morality tales for the ravages of drugs, age, and rock 'n' roll.

High-def is particularly unforgiving of bad facial plastic surgery, young or old. It would have long ago spelled the end of tv roles for Michael Douglas (63), Burt Reynolds (71), Cher (60), Joan Rivers (73), Mary Tyler Moore (70), Faye Dunaway (66) and the like.

You can just as easily get slammed in HDTV for having imperfect skin. Many accomplished screen actors have relied on heavy makeup to blend into their parts and erase a legacy of acne, yet makeup artists are ham-strung with this new technology. Bill Murray (56), Tommy Lee Jones (60), Lawrence Fishburne (45), and Cameron Diaz (34) will never again pass for scar-free on television.

It's not enough to be merely young (though it helps). Britney Spears, everyone's favorite pop tart, looks 10 years older on HDTV, her face puffy and blemished with pucker wrinkles marking her two-pack-a-day cigarette habit. To truly look great in this new technology you need smooth skin and a healthy complexion.

Acne is a condition of the sebaceous glands, the glands attached to hair follicles which produce an oily substance called sebum. A lesion forms the hair follicle becomes plugged with sebum and dead cells.

Twenty-five percent of all adult men and 50% of adult women experience acne at some point. That's 1 in 5 women between ages 25 & 40. Male acne normally starts at age 12, gets worse at 16, and is outgrown by one's early 20s. Girls often breakout earlier but not so violently and continue to have flare-ups longer (witness Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, and Jessica Simpson all of whom endorse an overpriced OTC acne treatment line).

In adult acne, hormones, stress, and bad habits all contribute. Less commonly, chafing pressure (sports equipment) and some medications (anabolic steroids, anti-epileptic or anti-tuberculosis drugs, lithium and iodine-containing Rxs) can be the reason.

The pathogenic (disease-causing) events in the sebaceous glands are believed to be due in large part to changes in levels of androgenic (male) hormones in the body. This is why pregnant women often experience acne on their chest and back. It also explains the mid-40s onset when a woman's female hormonal levels drop, leaving endogenous androgens unopposed.

When under stress, the adrenal glands (which are located above the kidneys) overproduce cortisol as well as androgens in both men and women. These hormones in turn stimulate the sebaceous glands to secrete more sebum, which ultimately results in the formation of zits and yet more stress! It's also been established that psychological stress can decrease the wound healing capacity of immune systems by up to 40%. This factor doubles the impact of stress on acne.

And last, but not least, are the things we do to ourselves. Picking, rubbing, and scrubbing all aggravate acne-prone skin. The biggest science breakthrough in acne care has been the development vitamin A treatments, both topical formulations and oral (Accutane). Some of the best OTC products were developed by the scientist behind Retin-A, Dr. James Fulton and are readily available on the internet.