Freaky Faces (Bad Cosmetic Surgery)

In the mood for some fun-size candy? In Hollywood it's Halloween year-round. Let's go trick-or-treating with some of our favorite stars from the KnifeStyles' archives! (To find out more about how you can get any of these looks at home, just click on his/her/its name under Labels.)

Leading the party is birthday boy Michael Jackson. He celebrated his 50th this year with a new and improved wig. And bringing the party balloons and matching face is big sister LaToya (52).

How did they come up with this look?

I'll tell you how: they ripped it off! In 1952 Hasbro came out with Mr. Potato Head. The original package included plastic eyes, nose, mouth, ears along with a styrofoam head for kids to practice making wacky expressions. Featured in the first TV toy commercial ever, it earned $4 million in sales in just the first few months.

The competition in Hollywood has been fierce ever since.

The Scary Clown face took off with the Batman film series. Mickey Rourke (52) can't smile anymore without conjuring up images of a demonic Joker. Not to be outdone, Donatella Versace (55) is going as Mrs. Joker.

Then there are those older kids who go in for the classic fairy tale genre: the Big Bad Wolf my-teeth-will-eat-you-up. Both Faye Dunaway (67) and Gary Busey (64) have aggressive, man made choppers perfect for the part.

Also light and playful are Clown Lips, often paired with great big rubber breasts that go beep-beep. Just showing up as the first supermodel would so '80s. Or so Janice Dickinson (53) thinks.

On the more on the risqué side of the room is Man-as-Phallus, Sylvester Stallone (60). This look can be obtained by combining surgery with lots of injected testosterone and hGH. Not sure how much candy you'll get with this one....

Not to be outdone, Madonna's (52) new face shares a lot in common another x-rated marionette: Madame. Too tight, too thin, all cheeks and chin! Lil' Kim (31) tried the same same idea, but she's got a few years to go before she can really pull it off.

Victoria Principal (62) just wants to be thought of as hip and techno-savvy, so she's going as an emoticon, the Happy Face.

Imitation can be a source of flattery – or not. We could ask Rowan Atkinson if his Mr. Bean Brows are proprietary and whether Melanie Griffith (51) has paid.

Of course, the easy cop-out is just to put on a mask. Are you listening, Ms. Presley (63)? It's much more fun when you put some effort into it. Take, for instance, Julie Newmar (75): a deft hand with the make-up can really liven up your Death Mask.

Then there's the crowd that believes that trick-or-treating should be a creative expression of one's worth. Why trick out your ride when you can Pimp Your Face? Mike Tyson (42) is outspoken on the topic.


Or just forget about plastic surgery and Just Do Drugs for a really scary look.




PS:
Oh, those fun FM 107.1 listeners, one of whom submitted this photo to give Donatella a run for her wax lips. Who says 40 can't be fabulous?



New Feature FM107.1 on Demand - audio archive
http://www.fm1071.com/ondemand/

Did you miss hearing Anne flesh it all out with Kevyn Burger on-air? Use this link to find the FM107.1 audio archive of Knifestyles broadcasts by date (second hour). Step one: select the date shown on the blog posting; step two: click on Kevyn Burger; step three: click on second hour. Enjoy!

Regrettable Rhinoplasties

Does seem as if young Hollywood starlets all share a common gene pool? The ubiquity of the narrow bridge, defined tip, straight dorsum– something distinctly American and that you won't find on screen in foreign films– isn't due to the great melting pot, it's the surgeon's knife.

Like diamonds, rhinoplasties are forever. Once you've purchased it, you'll be wearing it for the rest of your life.

The nose doesn't grow back or stretch with time. The very best of the rhinoplastic surgeons (and there are fewer of them than you think) can improve on a bad result, but revision surgery will never restore your original nose to your face.

As they say in the business: "you want to hit a home run the first time you're up to bat."

So what makes for a poor result?

First, an anatomical primer. Surgeons identify the supporting structure under the nasal skin by its anatomical parts:

From the apex or nasal tip, the columella projects inferoposteriorly toward the center of the superior lip, adjacent on either side to the nares. Encompassing the border of the nares are the alae of the nose superiorly and laterally, and the floor of the nose inferiorly. At the posterior aspect of the base of the nose is the piriform aperture, bordered superiorly and laterally by the frontal processes of the maxilla and the nasal bones. The inferior portion of the cartilaginous nose, otherwise considered the base of the nose, includes the lobule, which consists of the lower lateral cartilages, the tip, the alae, and the columella. In the midline, the posterior aspect of the medial crura of the lower lateral cartilages articulates with the caudal membranous septum. Anteriorly, the medial crura are enclosed within the columella. The lateral crura of the lower lateral cartilages project superiorly to overlap the inferior aspect of the upper lateral cartilages in the midline. Laterally, these crura loosely attach to the piriform aperture....

And now to illustrate. Double-click on any of these images to get a close-up. Take a good look.

The nose falls apart over time, ie, the underlying architecture of the nose is so compromised that the look (and function) can't be maintained. Repeated surgeries become necessary. Michael Jackson (50) is the poster child for what is termed a 'crucified nose.'

Alternately, the surgical result may stay put but it's a look that doesn't appear in nature ala LaToya Jackson (51). Closely related to this phenonmenon is the 'operated look,' a nose that is plausible but clearly the result of surgery, distracting even to the untrained eye. Calista Flockhart (43) has just such a rhinoplasty. Her skin is thin and her resected greater alar cartilage on one side almost pokes through the tip, like a knuckle.

Scarring and overly aggressive resection of the cartilage causes a 'pinched tip' (thinning of lateral cura) and/or 'notched nostrils' (lateral crus). That girl, Marlo Thomas (70) has both.


Her first cosmetic surgery was way back in 1965. Joan Rivers (73) was actually much prettier than she ever thought she was and her initial surgeries made her only slightly less so. But her nose has been, for some time now, the classic example of too much, too often. The net result is a 'putty nose,' one which looks as if it was fashioned out of silly putty and stuck on her face.

Now you see it, now you don't. Onlay grafts to build up the dorsum are always tricky. Alloplastic grafts (eg, silicone, gortex) tend to become infected and extrude; allografts (eg, cadaver donor tissue) reabsorb over time. Only autogenous ones (eg, the patient's own septal/ear cartilage, rib, iliac bone) tend to last. Just ask Lil' Kimberly Jones (33).

Polly want a cracker? No. The pollybeak deformity is a disproportionate fullness in the supratip which evolves postsurgically. It can be cartilagenous or soft tissue in nature and is often the result of a misjudgment on the surgeon's part. Furthermost left is a 1983 preoperative photo of Meg Ryan (46); the next two date from '01 and '08.

Excessive 'columella show' can cause the operated nose to have the appearance of a long, drooping tip. And seeing inside someone's nostril can provide fodder for embarrassing rumors about what's up inside there. Here are three postoperative views of Paris Hilton (27).

Correction of the twisted nose poses one of the greatest challenges in septorhinoplasty. "My face is full of imperfections and it is what it is." Easy to say when you're Dr. McDreamy and have landed gigs as the face of both Versace and Avon campaigns this year. Patrick Dempsey's (41) rhinoplasty took place sometime around 1991-1994. Symmetry is defined by an imaginary line drawn equidistance between the medial canthus (inner corners of the eye) through the middle space of the two front teeth/cupid's bow.

Perhaps the most incongruous mistake is when a perfectly natural-looking result simply doesn't suit the wearer. Jennifer Grey's (48) new nose so disoriented her fans that her career faltered. Twenty years postoperatively, it still hasn't recovered.

To hear more, tune in to hear Anne discuss it all with Kevyn Burger on FM107.1 at 10am Thursday.