Miracle Babies (IVF)

We've just passed our de-paganized egg celebration and all sorts of cute and fuzzy Hollywood coverbabies are on display. That's J-Lo (38) and her $6 million dollar fraternal twins on the front of this month's People magazine.

And Garcelle Beauvais-Nilon (41) has posed with her fraternal twins for JET magazine.

Dennis Quaid and his wife Kimberly (36) were recently in the news when their fraternal twins were mistakenly overdosed in the hospital shortly after birth.

Lisa Marie Presley (40) has just announced on her MySpace page that she is expecting (rumored to be twins just like papa Elvis).

Previous seasons' lineups also featured a lot of multiples. Julia Roberts led the way with premature fraternal twins in 2004 at the age of 36. The stork brought fraternal twins for Beverly D'Angelo (49), Angela Bassett (47), Geena Davis (48), Holly Hunter (47), Jane Seymour (45), and Marcia Cross (44) as well.

Hmmm. Noticing a trend here? Older mothers? Twins anyone?

And then there's the current batch of singletons. Nicole Kidman (40) is 5 months pregnant and to make sure everyone knows, she donned a hideous see-through Prada dress back in February.

Minnie Driver (38) has announced her pregnancy, but the sperm donor is unannounced.

Cate Blanchett (38) is having her third child this April.

Gwen Stefani (38) is about to pop number two.

Julianna Margulies (41) just gave birth to a boy.

Helena Bonham Carter (41) delivered with Tim Burton just in time for the release of their other collaboration, Sweeny Todd.

Halle Berry (41) gave birth to her first, Nahla Ariela, last week. (Nahla is Arabic for 'drink of water,' Ariela is related to the Hebrew for 'lion of god.') Was it easy to conceive? "...[T]here was a lot of staying home and doing what you do. Like, all the time, around the clock," she said on Oprah. "Did you know that they call this a geriatric pregnancy? I cringe when I hear that. I'm like, 'Take that off my chart!' "

So how is it that these famous "elderly" mamas are defying the laws of nature? God loves them more? Well....maybe. In the old Testament, Jacob has two wives, Leah and Rachel, who dealt with menopausal infertility by giving him their respective hand maidens. Infertility specialists are the modern version.

Let's start with a few definitions to wipe that vaseline coating off the camera lens.
MIRACLE: something that appears inexplicable by the laws of nature and so is held to be supernatural in origin or an act of God.
ELDERLY PRIMIGRAVIDA: a woman older than 35 years who is pregnant for the first time.
FERTILE: pregnant within one year of non-protected intercourse.

Everyone has a story about someone's perimenopausal baby miracle - but scientifically that's pretty much what such a pregnancy is: a miracle.

Statistically, a sexually active 40-year-old woman has a 5% chance of conceiving in any given month. A 30-year-0ld has a 20% chance. At age 42, 90% of a woman's remaining eggs are abnormal. These eggs come with an expiration date.

These late-in-life Hollywood babies create false perceptions about fertility that can devastate women planning midlife pregnancies, particularly those of modest financial means.

In vitro fertilization (IVF) is just part of the picture. In vitro is Latin for "in glass," ie, outside the living organism (or Hollywood womb if you prefer). IVF is the technique in which egg cells are fertilized by sperm in the petri dish. The fertilized egg (zygote) is then squirted into the uterus. To improve the odds, more than one zygote is transferred at one time, which leads to the rising incidence of multiple births.

The second piece of the picture is the egg itself. Egg quality is the primary barrier to pregnancy in older women. The live birthrate for IVF using a woman's own eggs is 25% for 30-year-olds, 16% at age 40, 9% at 42, 5% at 43, 2% thereafter. And retrieval of those eggs from hyperstimulated ovaries is no picnic either.

However, IVF pregnancy rates soar when the egg is donated by a younger woman and implanted into the hormonally-enhanced elderly uterus. It's safe to assume that the celebrity women pregnant in their mid-40s are using donor eggs. Some admit to it, most do not.

For a good primer on egg donation and gestational surrogacy (the borrowed uterus), Wikipedia is your friend.

Where's My Emmy? 2007

Do you think the Emmys are more interesting if you are sitting there in person? Maybe if you had a frontal view? It does seem rather self-important. Or maybe it's all an elaborate joke: we're only pretending this is important!

So why are we listening to these actors thank people we've never heard of? Shouldn't it be in a heartfelt note on nice stationary? Is it good entertainment? We get lame jokes with wooden teleprompter delivery. These are actors, right? And they did rehearse...can't the presenters memorize 90 seconds of speech?! And the musical Jersey Boys lip-to-lip synced their way through "who loves yooooou, pretty baaaay-bee."

Oh dear. Well, let's get on with it. In a somewhat chronological fashion, here are style thoughts wielded with a knife.

Nearly everyone seemed a bit uncomfortable with the in-the-round set. You could almost imagine the whole 'backside' half of the audience was comprised of those life-size cutout photographs. Those were certainly the cheap seats where they stuck the crews with unrecognizable faces– hence the awkward about-face on camera when a winner thanked the little people.

So what about those fashions? Of course we picked out favorite dresses: the beautiful deep lavendar silk on Helen Mirren and the full, champagne number on Heroes star Hayden Panettiere. The gowns are flattering, timeless, unconventional for the times. Alright, Helen's hair was terrible. But her facelift is aging well, although the neck under the chin looks a tad pulled to me.

Whatever sartorial elegance the others were striving for was completely undone by wearers' graceless bearing. Why can't more of these women learn how to walk in a gown?!! They stagger side-to-side like they're off to a hoe-down. For heaven's sake, they're actresses! Oh, don't get me started. Katherine Heigl in her lovely hair and Zac Posen gown practically throws her skirt over her shoulder to hike up the stage steps without tripping. These are custom made couture gowns worth tens of thousands of dollars. Learn to walk in them like you own them.

Best dressed, overacting male nominee? Lost Terry O'Quinn (55) hands down. The fuschia shirt was a great standout look in the sea of b&w television. He really pulled it off, though I notice he's been a (upper) denture wearer for some time. You can see the bone reabsorption in the shortened maxilla and hear it in how he pronounces a few words. But he has a real (chubby) wife. I forgive him anything!

Ryan Seacrest may fake knowing fashion as he demonstrated by 'guessing' Eva Longoria's Lacroix shoes (about the same height as his own heels, hmmm...), but he doesn't wear it. Seacrest's shiny tux looked like he recycled a yard waste bag and rip-off tie strip is substituting for neckware. And who puts a necktie on a tux, anyway? Over half the male audience, I guess. Well, it is the Emmys.

And didn't it seem absurd for Seacrest not to mention Sally Field's two Oscar wins or her Emmy for Sybil as evidence of her talent? Why bring up Gidget and The Flying Nun?

"At the heart of Nora Walker, she is a mother, so surely this belongs to all the mothers of the world. May they be seen, may their work be valued. . . And to especially the mothers who stand with an open heart and wait, wait for their children to come home, from danger, from harm's way and from war. I am proud to be one of those women," Sally Field said (she plays a character whose youngest son was deployed at the end of the show's last season). "And let's face it: If the mothers ruled the world, there would be no goddamn war in the first place!"

Do you think Rupert Murdoch's Fox Network censored Sally Field for her vocabulary or the content of her political statement? Field's (60) facelift has aged well, although in 2005 she has pledged with Jane Fonda (69) to have no more plastic surgery going forward.

It seemed that the best extemporanous speeches were those given by film actors. Compare Robert Duval's sincerity or Helen Mirren's poise and polish with the television actors babblings and certain conlusions jump to mind.

It didn't win, but the hilarious nomination of Real Time with Bill Mahr for Outstanding Variety, Music, or Comedy Series made hometown Minnesotans proud. Our MSP airport mensroom makes us a 'fly-in' state now! Jon Stewart won anyway, though I could swear he had makeup covering a cold sore. Nope, I'm wrong: just a funny upper lip.

Alec Baldwin obviously decided that with global warming and fall temperatures in the 80s we can wear white after Labor Day. I wonder if they sat him next to Al Gore? And wasn't it gratifying to have our chubby, national father-figure inspire the longest standing ovation of the evening?

Lewis Black should not have had Botox placed in his forehead. He's a raging comedian with pacing issues, he needs his full facial expressions! Watch the lateral side of his brows shoot up while the medial corrugators stay depressed and sprung apart. His fashion choice is a compelling statement why men with fat necks should not wear spread collars– but the Windsor knot on his tie was in place for once.

And my last thought? Actually a plea, really. Tell me, please, what did director Alan Taylor say to his wife Nickie and in what language??


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Bride of Botox

Botox has overtaken Hollywood in a big way. The shine reflecting off those smooth, wrinkle-free foreheads is blinding. We need a new term for these shadowless faces. Suggestions anyone?

Approved for cosmetic use by the FDA in 2002, Botox (Botulinum Toxin Type A) has numerous established therapeutic applications. It is a neurotoxin protein produced by a bactierium, one of the most poisonous naturally occuring substances in the world. It acts by blocking neuromuscular transmission, the body's signal for movement. Used in minute doses, it treats conditions caused by muscle spasms, from blepharospasms and dystonias to hyperhidrosis. (That's tics, spazzes, and flop sweat for the lay person.)

It also happens to work quite well on those wrinkles that come with facial muscle movement. In fact, physicians refer to them specifically as "lines of expression," which is also the secret to verifying it's Hollywood use: can the actor in question emote using a full range of natural facial expressions?

Who admits to it? Teri Hatcher confession is perhaps the most common: "In the past I've had Botox and collagen." The picture at right gives the lie to that. It's the same claim made by the author of Beauty Junkies: Inside Our $15 Billion Obsession with Cosmetic Surgery. Alex Kuczynski (39) says botox was her "gateway drug" before she swore off everything. One look at her television promotion for the book tells you she isn't clean just yet.

But a few are open fans. Vanessa Williams (43) endorses it: "I think it's fine...It's a reality that so many people are incorporating into their lives...bring it on!" Virginia Madsen (45) is actually the spokesperson for Allergan, manufacturer of Botox and Juvederm. There's probably not a virgin face in Hollywood over the age of 12 right now. Even the youngest of actors is indulging in 'preventative injecting.' Early intervention immobilizes the movement that causes eventual wrinkling.

Botox is the gold standard for treating crow's feet, brow furrow, and forehead lines. It works by partially paralyzing the muscles creating those wrinkles. Done well, it provides a 'chemical browlift' and rejuvenates the upper third of the face. But a heavy-hand with the needle yields an immobile forehead like Nicole Kidman (40), Marcia Cross (45)...Nicollette Sheridan (43) won't comment. All exhibit shiny foreheads so frozen, it's almost frostbite.

What are the giveaways? Sometimes a still picture is more than enough. A grinning 40-year-old Caucasian woman has wrinkles. Inept technique can yield 'Spock' eyebrows, arched too far laterally or sprung apart medially. In motion, the face no longer emotes within anthropological norms because the eyes and brows don't move. Women in particular express a great deal with the upper third of their face (ask any man). Bad Botox really flattens an actress's range of emotion.

This mixed message has implications elsewhere, as well. Outside of Hollywood, Katie Couric fell victim to incautious use of Botox. John Kerry's presidential bid was almost derailed by a venture into Botox (or the appearance of it). Too much Botox garbles the visual cues for the observer, the face doesn't 'read.' When that happens, the viewer is liable to think all sorts of things.

What's exciting are the new, emerging uses of Botox for pain disorders in dentistry like TMJ (temporal mandibular joint disorder), bruxism, and temporal masseteric fasciitis pain syndrome. How you might ask? Botox works on smooth muscle fibers and, as it turns out, some pain fiber nerve termini– a source of many pain syndromes. Blocking the nerve transmission in pain fibers yields relief for all sorts of neuralgias such as migraines. Major medical research centers are actively exploring new treatment avenues using Botox for many intractable medical problems involving hyperfunctioning of muscle fibers. Emerging uses at Mayo Clinic (search on the word 'botox') include treatment of BPH (benign prostate hypertrophy) and irritable bladder syndrome. There really is a lot to be said for Botox, but don't expect to hear it out of the mouths of Hollywood stars.

Jane Fonda (69) famously blurted out: "No, I have not had Botox. I will see a woman in Hollywood walking towards me and I'll think that I know her but I don't know who she is. It's terrifying. Everyone looks the same....What I like about England is that people look like they're supposed to look."

Now Jane Fonda has had plenty of work done, but she still looks natural and age-appropriate. In moderation, Botox can look natural. Her objection has legitimacy, however. Many of these younger women who seek to emulate a creaseless existence have ended up erasing their individuality, who they are. In some cases they take it to an extreme and change species (think Joan Rivers).

As Cate Blanchett (37) shouted "...just live your life, death is not going to be any easier just because your face can't move!"



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